I saw a spider in my bathtub, so I got a piece of tissue and very, very carefully burned the house down 🕷

I'm going to kill that spider!

Unless it moves two centimeters, then I'm going to jump, scream, throw my shoe across the room and run for it 🕷

Dear men, I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you... Sincerly, spider.

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk

What does a spider call a fly with no wings? Lunch

Spider web (noun)

A thing you walk into which suddenly turns you into a karate master 🕸

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?

I’m not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses! 🕷🐘

What do spiders eat in Paris?

French flies!